Ahh, being single and living alone gives me plenty of time to think. To daydream. To wonder. To have faith. To enjoy this quiet, lovely life while I have it. And appreciate everything about it because someday - I know it will change.
I think about the men I've allowed into my life, even if just a little bit. And as great as the attention is or the small thrill of getting a text from one of them is - I know that it's ok to not have them in my life more. There's the one who is rebounding in and out of an interesting (that's my nice word for f*cked up) relationship. We've already played this game. Two years ago. And I shut him out of my life then and am only looking to be friends again now. He messed that deal up. I don't hold a grudge, but I also don't put up with bullish*t. There's the one I've never met in person but have had fun texting and checking out on FB. But he's not consistent, doesn't seem very interested (maybe he is but is flaky - NO clue) and I somehow know, he's not the right guy for me. Just something about that interaction. There's the one I once worked with when he had a girlfriend a few years back, he's now single and sent me a text out of the blue last year. We've been saying we'll get together for a drink for that long now. It's never happened. He can be a bit of a butthead and we only text randomly. He hasn't brought up getting together lately (we've texted once since February) so I wonder why he popped up out of the blue again a few weeks ago. Then there's the one I did let in more than others. And he broke my heart more than once. And although I am happy I put an end to that roller coaster again, the random texts would be nice. But just too heartbreaking to bear. His loss. NOT mine.
All of these men are just for fun guys and/or guy friends. Yeah, it's great to have someone to text back and forth - but seriously? That gets old after awhile. And I'm usually the girl who tells it like it is - and apparently some guys don't appreciate that. Which is usually when we stop texting back and forth. I wish sometimes I wasn't so much like that but it's who I am. I recently had my friend's husband tell me (this was after a lot of beer) that when he first met me, he thought I was annoying because I would say what I thought and tell it like it was. And now this is the thing he loves about me most. I'm still on the fence if this is a good thing or a bad thing? I stood up at their wedding never knowing this. Hmmm...hurts just a bit. (Yes, I have feelings. And they get hurt too. Even if I'm a sarcastic bitch most of the time. I have a big heart.) So still figuring that one out.
Then there's the one I don't have much interaction with. We don't text, call each other or even write on FB pages. Neither of us will even LIKE anything on the other's page. We've hung out once and seen each other one other time for like 10 minutes (or interacted, as we had each saw the other person a couple days before that...with no interaction). So it could be lack of interest on his part. Or something else entirely. I don't know. He just makes me smile. And he had a shit-eatin grin on his face the day I saw and chatted with him. And he's the one I completely try not to think about much. Because all of my thinking is planning and I don't want to plan anything with this one. Usually the plans in my head are the ones that don't come true.
And I'd really like to see how this one plays out. In real life. :)
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